Drama... Letting fate take play its role

So life hasn't been all that its cut up to be.  I guess I have been getting better but how much I really can't tell.  I still miss the ex alot.  Lately she's been trying to pop in and out of my life & each and every time it seems like I get led on more and more.  Just this past week I kind of proposed to her to see what her reaction would be and needless to say it was "aiyah".  Not what I had expected but I later got the response that she's not ready to settle down or whatnots.  So to me that has proven alot.  During our relationship, all the things she said about wanting to settle down & have kids and whatnots was nothing but some bullshit lie.  To me that was what kept me going in our so-called fake relationship.  I thought we were really going to get married.  It seems that everytime she runs to me to tell me she misses me or whatnots its as if i'm there just for the moment.  A shoulder to cry on.  Once i've outlived my purpose i'm disposed of like a tissue.  I'm just speechless.  It seems like she's getting fucked over by karma since she's gotten with that asshole ex friend of mine that feeds her nothing but bullshit lies and she believes it.  I'm waiting for one day when she exposes him for all the lies that he has.  Maybe then she'll see what I mean when I say he's a lying asshole.  Needless to say she is not worth my time to ramble on about. 

On to other things, my company has decided to basically shut down our branch meaning layoff's.  My time is nearing, however, I've been told that my department (Special Assets) as well as Servicing will be the 2 remaining departments that will be laid off last.  Rite now their is no liquidation/layoff plans that have been made and they are slowly constructing it.  Supposedly everyone will still be employed till September 10, 2008 and then layoffs will commence.  Currently I'm just studying up on my police study guides to better prepare myself for the written exams.  I need to score high on them as well as the physical and pass the interviews.  I am hoping I get sponsored for academy.  Rite now I really need to get back into jogging as I have heard thats all you do in academy.

I've been staying in Irvine alot with Melissa at her apartment.  Feels a bit akward as she drives the same car my ex Tammy drives only difference is its a 2007 Acura TL & has the full navigation package.  It seems like she's developing feelings for me & I don't know what to do.  My heart still belongs to Tammy yet I'm trying to get over her.  Can't believe I unofficially proposed & was going to get her a 10k diamond ring.  All in all I don't know what to do but I don't want to be in another relationship.  Then we have the other crazy ex thats just trying to get me to be her booty call.  I pretty much told her off to delete my number and all my contact info & we can go our own separate ways.

Lately nothing has really pleased me or made me happy.  Not even my cars or my guns.  I'm thinking about getting a bike again.  Maybe then I can take a ride down PCH to get away from everything.  Looking into a 2005/06 Ducati 749 Testretta in Red.  Also still looking for a house.  With that aside my brother is finally engaged to get married.  I'll be leaving for Vegas this weekend to celebrate a friends bday, hopefully it'll get a lot of things of my mind but i'm sure its gonna make me broke because their wanting to hit a bunch of strip clubs meaning I'm gonna be buying alot of lap dances for him.

Life...

July 4th - Independence Day

Work, where do I begin.  It hasn't been the greatest.  I don't quite know what to expect nowadays.  Its kind of like taking everything on a daily basis.  The past 2 weeks have been nerve racking.  I say this in that its month-end and I have all these reports that go out to upper management New York reporting the progress in recovering funds from loans that have gone delinquent.  Well my days are very unpredictable.  I get stuff left and rite and the one thing that sucks is I do a detailed and thorough job to the point where I have been called "anal" but its what I do since I deal w/ all the reports.  What sucks the most is how I can take the fall and be blamed for sooo many things.  Its gotten to the point where I just want to isolate myself from everyone cuz I'm just in a pissed off mood and all I want is to get out of the office.  Last week I was making fun of Eileen because she felt she had to disclose to the whole world about her drinking incident over the weekend where she had too many Mai Tai's and ended up throwing up in her own car and on the bed and whatnots.  Next thing u know its like she's telling me & Becky.  I make a sarcastic comment about her being a drunk and 5 minutes later I get pulled into my managers office to get talked to based on the fact that another manager was nearly by and heard it.  I am upset at the fact that I can be reprimanded for something so small yet the other get nothing.  Yeah its nothing but a slap on the rist but I feel I was unfairly singled out.  Since then I have kept my mouth shut in frustration.  Not only that but my 2 co workers who I thought were tight turned on me.  I felt of all things that I got stabbed in the fucking back.  They both share an office and completely ignored me today & gave me attitude about watering their plants.  Basically pinning the blame on me for killing their plants.  Whats retarded is my plant is fine and yet theirs isn't.  I'm over it but it goes into something deeper.  So apparently yesterday Eileen asked me where Becky was and if she had gone home.  I'm sorry but i'm not her baby-sitter.  I don't know what she does every second.  I responded with "I don't know, maybe you should ask George" and today I get shit from Mariah & Eileen about how I responded in a pissy mood.  I'm sorry but what the fuck are you talking about?  Your twisting my words to make me look like a bad guy.  I had an IM conversation w/ Mariah and told her whats up and its like I'm kind of just tired of all the shit that I have to deal with.  I enjoyed their company but nowadays its kind of like i could care less.  I don't value our friendship as much.  What annoys me the most is how Mariah could constantly ask me if I would go out with Eileen and I keep telling her HELL NO. Then I have to go into an indept explanation of 1)I have someone already 2)she is fucking way to old 3) she is too much drama 4) she has kids 5) she is insecure 6) last but least I'm not that much into Philipino's.  Whats ridiculous is how she constantly has this notion that i wanna hook it up with her.  I'm sorry but I can do way better then her.  Overall i'm just really tired of the childish work environment and the constant reaming over dumb small things.  As a result I have submitted my resume as a Police Recruit for the Irvine Police Department.  I will be taking the next upcoming written exam.  This is simply something for me to fall back on if it doesn't work where I am currently at.  Not only that but I highly doubt that I will even get a raise or a nice bonus this year.  Yet all these times I hear how my manager says i'm a valuable asset to the department.  This might be b/c all the reports that I generate are 97% all manually and are very confusing.  That might be why but i'm holding out till December and see how that goes if not so well, & if not I will pursue IPD more and hopefully get a full ride through the academy training program.  Wish the best of luck for me...

Dissapointment

I am so damn frustrated.  I wake up to a Monday afternoon to have lunch w/ my parents.  Then they pull this bullshit on me about giving away the $1,400 dollar flat panel Sharp Aquos HDTV LCD tv to my cousin.  Its just ridiculous in my eyes cuz they don't know the shit I had to go through to get it for them.  I got it for them as a gift and their the incessant types that try to pay me back and won't accept it unless I take the money.  Bottom line i missed work a few times and had to deal with office depot's customer service cuz they screwed up on my name address and everything so that I could get on top a $200 dolllar rebate.  There was a typo in one of their ad's and it said the tv's were sold for $699 and tehre was free delivery.  I ended up walking away w/ it for $701 shipped to my door then after trying to straighten everything out with customer service for about a month I fought and got my $200 dollar rebate on top.  So to make things short I got away with it for $500 dollars... Thats rite $500 dollars for a tv that is originally $1,400 dollars at the store.  Now the part that disappoints me the most is how my cousin that I didn't even know about up to a few years ago was a child of my uncles that was in vietnam.  A separate child from another wife that popped up out of the blue.  Nowadays all i hear is how she's making bank and whatnots from my parents.  You know them always comparing you to someone else more successful making you feel like shit and how your not getting anywhere in life.  Thats why my parents tend to do best when it comes to my family.  They they tell me how their gonna give the tv I found for them away cuz she's poor and can't afford one.  All i have to say is WTF are you talking about?  Your asses just told me she makes bank and all of a sudden she's poor now cuz she moved out into an apartment that she shares w/ a roommate and she just brought her mom over from vietnam?  That simply doesn't make sense.  Flat out don't make bullshit excuses to give the tv away.